Friday, 13 June 2014

Oh my God…



What an achievement I done today!
I am very proud of myself here!

Only the thing, fear, rising in the mind
Again overtaking everything.
All the alternate thoughts fading out,
On the days filled the fortnight.

I would like to meet him,
I want to tell what is in the mind.
But didn’t able to tell,
And didn’t know how to tell.

He is staying just upstairs;
He will be in front of the door
Of my house by ten steps
Down through the staircase.
There is fear in the mind
Every day that he may come.
Even he came to check
The water level in the well
In the backyard,
The mind is trembling here,
As he came to look at and talk to me.

This is not started today,
Or yesterday.
Still it looks alike new.

Once he asked “why you didn’t came upstairs”,
I am confused and couldn’t answer.
“Okay, when will you come?” he asked again.
There is no answer to tell.
Still had a courage in mind,
Because of the fear that
He might ask something,
If I keep silent.

“I will give next week”
I told.
“Always your are like this”
“I can’t bare it anymore”
He told and gone away
With a gesture of hate.

Days were gone.
Next week and
The next to that next week also came.
The fear ant tension spread
Inside like the fire.

The mind trembled
As he may come again.
The stress, inability and
The tiredness because of it
Along with that.

Today, reach a decision
And take deep breathe,
Climb the staircase.
Go and stand in front of the door.
Rethink for a moment.
Is it right what I am doing?
There is no other way

It is better I am going
Inside his house
Than he is coming
In front of my house.

Pressed the calling bell.
Waited. 
He came and opened the door.
Because of the tension,
My tongue shivered rapidly,
Before he ask something,
And the words had fallen out.

I couldn’t remember how much I talked
But, the content I told is clear.
“I couldn’t..
please wait for one more week..”
Having a very good character,
He understand and smiled.

“What the next week means?”
He look at my face.
“The next Saturday”
I told avoid looking his eyes.
“Will you give surely?”
“Surely I will give”
He agreed as usual!

What else he can do looking my poor eyes!
He told
“I will wait”
I turned telling “Okay.”
When stepping down
Through the staircase,
Felt that the weight in the mind
Also coming down.

Oh.. what a satisfaction!
What an achievement!
Felt happy as I won the whole world.

I am continuing this for the tenth time,
Because there is no other way in front of me.
I don’t know when a solution will get for this.
“Shit.. what a life is this”
The mind scolded to the maximum.

“Oh my God…”
“Why you didn’t care about this?”
“Don’t you hate to see it again and again?”
“Don’t you get bored,
To hear the same dialogue repeatedly?”

The same tension sustaining
From the first day to
Tenth of every month.
Because of it,
Doing many works,
To earn from the tenth
To twentieth day,
Even the mind didn’t like.
On the twenty fifth day,
When giving the money to ‘him’,
Who came to collect the rent for
The house he gave to me
And when I take deep breathe..

The first day of the next month,
Will come down to tear my face,
As to take revenge on me
For tearing it daily.

Because I came to the city
As a poor, I couldn’t reject it.
Because living just above
The poverty level, I couldn’t avoid it.
There is no way to change the way of life!
There is now way to earn as required!

As I am travelling with
An aim of achieving success
In the film industry,
I forget
The self-respect, 
The decency,
The dignity etc.,
Most of the time.

I reserved all these
For the hero of the screenplays
I wrote!

When ti is happened to me..
“Oh my God”
“Don’t you ashamed or felt…”

“Either leave me to live as I like”
“Or to make half this torture

Fix the months in a year as six.”

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